On the home front, I tried to stay clear of my dad. I never caused trouble in my house, I knew what he was capable of. Around this time, my dad started dating again, yes less that 4 months after my Mom died. It did not bother me too much, as long as he was dating it sort of kept him off my back. He was with a group called Parents without Partners, and had a picnic planned with them. On the day of the picnic, my brother decided to drop in. My dad was pissed at him for just breaking all communication with us, and not showing up or even sending flowers or a card at my moms funeral. My Mom treated my half brother like a son, and harbored no ill feelings toward him, his mother, or step father. In fact when my dad was railing against his mother, my Mom tried to calm him down by sugesting the divorce was over and everyone should get on with their lives, she was quickly punished for that suggestion. Well, anyhow, my brother shows up at the picnic, I waited in the car while he went over and talked to him. After a short time, my dad came back with a puzzled look on his face. I ask what happened, did he say why he stopped talking to us? My dad said, I asked him what was his problem. He said you want to know what my problem is, I'll tell you, WAS I PLANNED FOR? My dad said, I really did not know how to answer him, outside of, I tried to be a good dad after he was born. Again that was the last time the 3 of us were together, well within 50' of each other. Down and the basement I was working on a world war 2 model, when my dad came down and said, I have a sock missing, it is my sock and I want it back. I ask him, are you accusing me of taking your sock? He sarcastically replied, ooooohh noooooo, I wouldn't ever accuse you of that, but it is my sock and I want it back. Another day he said the same thing about his hat, then a glove, then a TV guide. It was driving me nuts, because he would not directly confront me, but make insinuations every time I was around him. I was comforted by my girlfriend Lorna. She mad the suggestion fro me to marry her and move to Florida, to get away from my dad and Ron, both of which she thought were bad influences on my life. I told her I was too young to get married, and that my dad was going through a rough time after my mom died, that I should not abandoned him. That was a mistake, she decided to break up with me 2 months after my mom died. I told my dad that he was substituting me, for my mom. I meant that he was going from one whipping boy to another, but my dad pretended that, I meant it in the most perverse, sexual way possible. It was obvious that we weren't seeing eye to eye on anything. At this point in my life I took an evaluation of my circumstances, 1 my mom just died, 2 my dad was falsely accusing me of stealing, 3 I lost my job and had no money in my bank account, 4 the girl I loved, and at one time believed in me broke up with me, and 5 my car was destroyed. I thought, maybe I was supposed to die the night I flipped my car. I went back to my girlfriends house, and told her I would kill my self if she did not go back with me, she still said no. Right in front of her I dumped a whole bottle of dilodid, a pain medicine for my mom, down my throat. I drove to near by parking lot to die. If you ever tried to kill yourself with pills, one of 3 thing can happen. 1 of course you succeed, 2 someone finds you in time and they pump your stomach, or 3 in my case, I took so many pills that my body rejected it, and threw everything up. This was my lowest point in my life. From then on, I decided to be like Spock from Star Trek, and have no emotions and think logical. I got a new job, got my car fixed, and joined a dating club. I did try to connect with my dad, I did not tell him about the suicide attempt, but I did tell him I was very depressed, and that we needed to see a family councilor. He agreed, and said he would find a councilor, while I was at work. I met a few girls in the dating club, most were partiers, or just liked to go on dates with different men. I called this one girl up and we met a local family restaurant. The first thing I thought when I met her was wow does she have big hips, well bigger than any girl that I had dated so far. We hit it off, and I suggested, that we go on a moonlight dance cruise. I was a bit worried, since I told her I was 21 and was still 20. They carded her, but not me. We had a wonderful night of dancing, but when I took her home, she did not want to set up another date for some reason. I told her the dating club was having a Halloween dance, and ask her if I could take her. Then I got the ton of excuses, well IF I am not doing anything and IF my sister can come with me and IF me and my sister can find a costume and IF..I stopped her in mid sentence and said, look how about I just meet you there, If you make it fine and IF you don't well we will just meet again some other time. I was determined not to say much to my dad about her. I did not want him messing anything up, and now he was indirectly accusing me of taking family pictures, coins, in fact he had a whole list which I did not read. I tried to ignore him as much as possible, waiting for him to come up with a family councilor. Halloween came and I was making my costume for the dance. I had another hobby of making latex masks and costumes. If you remember "Benny Hill" where he had an outfit that looked like he was riding on the back of a little old lady, well that was my costume. I arrived at the dance late, but saw Mary, and her sister right away. She said, I didn't think you were coming, and then said, wait here we will be right back. After 15 min. I guessed that I was getting the brush off. I ask a few girls to dance but I think they were a bit put off by my costume. I went to a corner and started drinking beers as fast as I could. The dance was about over, they started turning on the lights. Out of nowhere, Mary comes up and says she was looking for me, she gave me a kiss, and this time we set another date. One minute you think you have nothing to look forward to, and the next you are on top of the world.
My dad started bugging me about the money that I borrowed from him, to pay for work on my car. Even though I was making payments to him, I guess he wasn't getting paid fast enough. He brought down a piece of paper, and said all you have to do is sign it and I won't bother you about your repayment. I looked at the paper, it had my name and it had the amount that I owed, and his name, as the person that I owed. He said I just wanted to have something for the record, in case you move out and decide not to pay me. I was going to sign it but I noticed that he was not letting go of the paper, and his thumb was covering something up. I told him I wasn't going to sign it until I saw the whole paper. When he moved his thumb, it said repayable at 120% interest. Of course I did not sign it. I told him we really have to see a councilor. I got my new girlfriend to lend me the $1800 that I owed him along with a receipt stating all debts paid in full. With much anticipation, the day to see the councilor had arrived. It was Feb. 16 1987. The group "Tough Love" came to our house to act as a councilor. Right off the bat, they said, your dad says that you have been stealing from him. If you do not sign this paper to repay him $10,000 + interest then you will have to move out or be removed by the police. I tried to tell "the councilor" about how my dad abused my mom, married her when he knew she would die, just to take possession of the house. I told them I didn't steal anything, I just didn't do it. They said that they did not care what my dad did, it was his house, and you are over 18. They also told me, that my dad had a right to put me in the nut house, because I told him that I was depressed, and that he could bring charges against me an incident where I assaulted him. I said what are you talking about? They told me that my dad went into the hospital 3 months ago and said that you broke his rib. I told tough love that never happened, but they said why would your dad go to the hospital, if it didn't happen. I told them that he is playing the system to control and manipulate me. They said that they did not care what my dad did, that those were my options, and that they would be there to support him. The next day, I went to move in with my friend Ron. I borrowed a truck and started moving my stuff out. My dad said, you had better sign the paper, or I am going to have you thrown in the nut house plus you will have to answer to assault charges. Then he started to ask me why did you steal from me and what did I do with the stuff. I told him, I didn't know what you're talking about then I heard a click coming from his shirt. He had a mini-recorder and was trying to get some sort of confession out of me. Tearfully I replied, one year ago to this day I lost my mom, today I lost my dad. I was only able to get about 1 load of stuff out of my dad's house, and ask my dad if I could come back to get the rest. He agreed and I started unloading down Ron's house. Ron said aren't you going back to get more? I told him my dad said I could come back tomorrow to get the rest. Ron said, I've seen this before, if you don't get your stuff now, you will never see it again. I argued with Ron,because my dad was always a man of his word. The next day, I went back, my dad said you got all your stuff, and there was nothing more in the house for me. I said what about my comic books, my DeMolay ritual book and papers, my models? To which my dad replied, I don't know what your talking about, and that if I didn't leave he would have the police remove me.
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