Life goes very fast

I started high school in 1979.They started a new program in gym, that allowed the classes to be co-ed if you wanted. Well I was no dummy, and I picked the female gym teacher because I figured I would be among the few that would opt to go co-ed. I was right, out of a class of about 45 only 2 boys. That is where I met my friend Ron. He was a senior and I was a freshman, but we both wanted to be around the girls. He saw that I was being picked on due to my ears sticking out and the hair cut and the quasi 1950's clothing style that was direct from the thrift store. He was big into lifting weights and started to train me. I would go to his house before school and hang out on the porch which was directly across from the school. A lot of his friends would hang out there, and we would shout out cat calls to the girls, and make derogatory jokes about blacks. He had a gym set up in his basement, and a bunch of us guys would lift weights, while a few girls would come down to watch. He would tell stories about how he would burn cars and one time a house for kickbacks of insurance money. I never really believed him, but it was fun to listen to. He always had a knife, a sap, and brass knuckles on him. we would cut gym class and go over to his house to have a beer sometimes. In school, now that they had walls on the class rooms, I did very well. I was also in the print shop, which my dad, had to argue with the school counselor to get me in, due to the class was full. I went to my first summer camp with the scouts, my scout master kind of criticized my parents for being a fuss bucket over me, but I guess that was to be expected, being it was my first time away from home. We had a fund raiser in scout where we went door to door selling house hold products from a company called Tom Watt. The products would be like pot holders, a no spill drink cup for kids, address books, etc. We had a case of about 50 sample products and would write up the order and deliver the product in about 2 weeks. We had 5 days to sell as much as we could, and the profit (about 35%) would go into a personal fund which we had to buy scout stuff from.The first day out, I went to a house, no sale, second house, no sale, third house, no sale. This went on for about 20 houses, and I think I sold 1 pot holder. My dad ask why I was home so soon. I told him it was not worth all the steps just to make one sale, and that I could not really sell anything. He said I will make you a deal, for every dollar you earn for Boy Scout stuff, I will back it by a dollar that you can use for anything. That was a big mistake on his part, I went out and sold $1100 in 5 days which gave me $335 not bad for 1 week of work in 1979. One of the occasions while I was selling "tom watt' products, our neighbor, the "punk" answered the door. This had me perplexed for 2 reasons, one he did not live at that house and two, I was not allowed to talk to him. He opened the door and ask what do you have there? Attired in my full boy scout uniform, carrying a non descriptive box that only said "tom watt" on the side, I replied, well nothing that you would be interested in. He said try me. To which I replied, well they're female products. I didn't understand the humor of the situation until years later. I mean, he must of told his friends that the boy scouts are going door to door selling female products.
A word about pets, kids, and cars. My dad said if you had any one of these 3, you would have problems with your neighbors, in our case we had the whole tri-fecta. We brought our cat over to the new neighborhood, but that did not last long. Our cat was an outdoor cat and we would whistle for the cat at dusk and he would come home. Our neighbor which my dad nick named "bozo" had a 23 year old son, which my dad nick named "the punk". The punk one day, said my dad is allergic to cats, that is why we have 3 (very loud) dogs.We didn't think much about the statement. One day we went to the drive-in and our cat was on the front steps of our house, that was the last time we ever saw our cat. I was about 10 and put up lost cat posters around the neighborhood, but with no luck. Years later my dad and mom said they found the cat in our back alley, all shot up with BB's. The next day we heard the punk saying to his dad, "I bet I could shoot a cats whisker off with this BB gun. After the cat, my dad bought a German Shepard puppy. The dog and I grew up as friends, but my dad would discipline the dog with a rubber hose, which made the dog nervous, and would wet in the house. When the hose was not working and my dad was angry over the mess he would use a wood cane to hit the dog and then make me spray the dog down with a mixture of lysol and cold water. Our dog would yelp when hit with the cane. Again we heard the punk saying out loud in his yard, "I'll kill anyone that hits their dog" Then bozo came out and said "who are you talking to?" The punk replied,"Just talking to myself, pop". Needles to say, there was quite a bit of animosity between the punk and our family. I went to my first week long boy scout camp. When my parents picked me up from camp, I said I can't wait to see my dog. There was stone silence, and after a couple of minutes, my dad said we gave the dog away. I said aww, quit kidding I know my dog is waiting and will be happy to see me. When I got home it was true, they gave the dog away to a guy that owned a gas station. In retrospect, it was probably the best thing, it was no life for the dog, and my dad should have never have had any pets. a few years later, we read about our dog in the paper, the gas station was robbed and our dog went after the robber and was shot, but recovered from his injury. As you might have guessed, every activity that I got involved in, I was encouraged by my dad to be the best I could. I joined DeMolay (Jr. Masons)but found I was fighting adults (Masonic advisers) everywhere. It seems the janitor that did not want to give us blankets at the NOW meeting, was now my scout master. The scout master was also friends and in-laws with some of the masons. Because my dad pushed me beyond what was normal for most kids we caused waves also the fact that my dad pointed out financial discrepancies committed by the scoutmaster and his family to the troop committee, did not help matters either. In DeMolay our adult advisor introduced himself to me when I was 13 like this. Hi, I am Don Klutz, I heard some ugly rumors about your family. I will look past them, but just you understand, if you step out of line just one time, I am going to come down on you with both feet, welcome to our chapter. I had to fight that SOB on everything I tried to get done. Lucky for me their were a couple of older Masons, one of which was a "Past Grand Master" for our state, that stuck up for me. My schedule at the time was hectic, in high school, I was in the regular classes while I was freshman, and finished up the year with was 3.9 average. At the end of the year the school counselor said I should be in the scholars program, which is advanced learning, but he said you probably will not get the extra scholars diploma, since you will not have enough credits, unless you double up on math and science courses. One of my favorite classes was psychology. It was fascinating to find out how the mind works. I learned about the mid tricks that Hitler used, and came to a complete abhorrence for the Nazi's and the SS. In fact I found my self standing up for the rights and freedoms of all peoples, weather I had a vested interest in them or not. A psychologist or a printer, were going to be my target careers. For the next 3 years I doubled up on my courses, along with my judo, boy scouts, and DeMolay, I had very little time for anything. At about 13 my life was about to change but I did not know it. My mom was diagnosed with cancer. They told her she would need a mastectomy and her lymph nodes removed. Two days before the surgery, our sewer clogged, and our basement started to flood from the heavy rain. We all grabbed stuff and ran it up stairs, some in our pop up trailer, others to the living room. We got a plumber out to snake out the clog, but the day before the operation my mom was washing all the clothes and towels that smelt like sewer water.
as far as home life went, my friend Ron, got into an accident on his bicycle. This turned out to be a lucky break for him as he found out he was hemophiliac, which was caused by leukemia. The hospital said if he had waited another month, he would have no chance to recover. At best they told him he only had a 10% chance of surviving and that he would have to go to Seattle for experimental treatments. My dad did not know what leukemia was, and told me to stay away from Ron until he was cured. My dad spent his time swindling money from his mom, by making her feel guilty for the neglect/abuse he received as a child. He told her you did not give me a good start in life, but you can now redeem yourself by giving us money to start a business. I think she gave us around 10 to 15 thousand dollars to start a magnetic sign business. My dad would later get into arguments with my mom and say, you don't want us to get anywhere, so I will help you. He would then proceed to burn the money and my mom would put it out with her hands. Some times he would throw it out the window and me and my mom would run around the streets trying to pick it up. The punishments for my mom changed since hitting someone with cancer would show a lot of bruises. He would say, oh you don't want us to have nice stuff, well I will help you out, and rip up the calling tiles with a razor knife over on her side of the bed, so she would see it every time she woke up. He accused her of deliberately putting holes in his socks or underwear, and told her she would have to replace them, but give her no money to do it with. We used to go to Kaufmans in downtown, but stopped when I was around 13. I found out later that my mom had an record for shoplifting there, and they told her she was banned from the store. If she returned they would have her arrested and file charges. He would lock her in the cellar sometimes or take her out to a nice restaurant and bot me and him would order steak, but he would order a hotdog from the kids menu for her. One day my dad and I bought cat food at a discount store, the cheapest and fishiest he could find, I think it was liver and cod flavored. I thought we were getting another cat, but it was for my mom. When she would do something wrong or speak out of line he would say, well that is another can. One day he was really mad and in 3 ft letters on every wall in our house he wrote 24 cans. I would watch her cry as she ate the cat food, almost gagging at every bite. What outrageous behavior could trigger these punishments? Well, the scale would cause a lot of problems, my mom was to keep herself under a certain weight, if she didn't she was punished, even while on cancer treatments. She figured out that it would be impossible to keep her weight at a certain limit, so one day she tampered with the scale. My dad saw her getting heavier, but the scale said she wasn't. My dad ask me to bring down some weights that I used to test the scale. When he found it was wrong and saw tool marks, the shit really flew then. Other offences would include contradicting him, speaking in a condescending tone or sarcasm toward him, not being able to fully account for her time, or if she look at any other man especially if he was Italian or looked in any way like the guy she had an affair with. When I was about 15, I ask my dad why did he treat her this way. He said, first this does not concern you, it is between me and your mom. Second I think I treat her pretty well, don't you hear about men beating their wives, well I don't beat her and third, how do you know what is going on in other peoples homes, it could be a lot worse if she ended up with anyone else. I guess at 15 the answers made sense, and I was involved with a lot of other things in my life, so I assumed everything was normal. One day my dad said his socks were missing, and he questioned my mom. He said I put them on the TV in the hallway, and now they are gone. My mom denied knowing what happened to his socks, and so did I. He kept pressuring her and punishing her, until she admitted to taking his socks just to get him mad. A few days later I was talking to him, and he put his newspaper on the TV and knocked his new pair of socks behind the TV. When he reached down to pick up the socks he found 2 pairs. He said to me I must have knocked the socks off the TV the last time. I am going to have to make this up to your mom. He took us out to a nice restaurant and let her order anything she wanted. He got dressed up in his sport coat and gave her flowers. My mom ask, what's the occasion, to which he replied, you work hard and I just wanted to be nice to you, there is no law against that, is there? I stared making remarks about, well if families are honest with each other, there would be fewer arguments. After a while my mom ask, what is Will talking about? My dad said, IF YOU MUST KNOW I FOUND MY SOCKS, RIGHT WHERE I DROPPED THEM, ARE YOU SATISFIED? NOW YOU JUST RUINED A PERFECT EVENING. He then did not eat his dinner, and gave me a death stare for the rest of the night. To my surprise my mom was pissed at me as well, She said who cares where the socks were, I already took my punishment for it, and now this is one of the first times in a long while your father was nice to me, and you ruined it.
All the punishments were not just for my mom. When I was punished, I would be told the reason, and then the punishment usually was being grounded. When I was younger, my dad would pick a toy, that I recently played with, and cut parts off of it, or break it. I was helping my dad with the yard work, and I must have talked backed to him. He said,"I want to tell you something, but I will tell you later." From then on, I did everything he told me, without question, because I didn't want to be grounded from going to a DeMolay Dance that night. Even though I was dating Bridget, I still tried, and had problems meeting girls. He worked me all the way up to the time that I was going to be picked up. I barely had time to change and no time to shower. He said, I remember what I wanted to tell you...you smell bad, now have a good time at your dance.
I realized that I actually had 4 fathers in my life. These were the people that helped shape my morals and gave me an example of what a good person was. In scouting it was Mr. Waldgon our assistant scoutmaster.. Although Mr. W's kids were out of scouting he stayed, to bring the next generation of scouts up. On the Appalachian trail, Mr. W. at 64 years old, carried another boys back pack, because the boy could not carry it any further. On a winter camping trip Mr. W gave an ill prepared boy his sleeping bag and boots for the weekend, while he stayed outside by the fire. He was always involve with trying to make scouts better, not only for his troop, but for other troops in the district. One day at a troop committee meeting, my dad pointed out the embezzlement of troop funds by the scoutmaster. The scoutmaster replied, it doesn't matter if the funds are missing, because it would take a committee vote to ex spell me, and I can swing this committee any way I want. Mr. W. stood up, slammed his fist on the table, and said, any day you can swing this committee any way you want, is the day I resign. The scoutmaster replied, well take him (pointing to my dad) him with you. Mr. W. got involved with the district activities, and eventually got an investigation into the missing funds, which led to my scoutmasters expulsion. The road to Eagle Scout was very difficult for me, as I had the scoutmaster and the boys that he influenced, trying to haze me every step of the way. I did make Eagle, and had my old ex-assistant scoutmaster attend the ceremony. The second man that influenced my life was Mr. Volsoncroft. He was an advisor for the DeMolay Chapter I was involved with. My dad knew that Mr. V. very influential,so he told me tell him that you play golf, or that you like football (which I knew nothing about, because professional sports were forbidden on our home TV). Mr. V. always knew when I was lying, and would always catch me. Mr. V. tried to get me to be more independent from my dad, because I think he saw through him as well. Mr V. and myself restarted our chapter newspaper, which won best in state 2 years in a row . I won many earned awards in DeMolay, but the one that stood out was the degree of Chevalier, which is purely honorary, you can't earn it. In ill health Mr. V. still made it to the ceremony. All of our advisors in DeMolay were referred as dad(last name) I told dad Volsoncroft that advisor or not, he would always be referred to as dad, by me. The third influence was our high school printing teacher Mr. Mo. I only knew how to silkscreen when I got to his class, but he let me advance far beyond the text book. I took it upon myself to learn how to do 4-color separation on a process camera, in order to produce full color pictures that you would see in magazines. I won several first and second place trophies for our school, for graphic arts. I still run into students from his class, thy tell me that he tells them about what I did, encourages anyone that wants to learn beyond the text book. Of course last is my biological father. As cruel as he appeared, he always looked out for me and my interests. He would always give me pep talks when I had a problem. Now in my life, he still influences me. If I see that I have some of his bad habits, I try to change, so that I am not like him.

Good News?

Now it is coming up on my graduation. I did not have many friends due to my schedule. I guess I was one of those dorky kids, that every one in high school knows, but they don't really know him. The good news in my life is that my mom recovered from cancer. She would go for blood tests every other month and they were all good. It's been 2 years since she was first diagnosed. My friend Ron came back from Seattle, and he too had recovered from the leukemia. I graduated when I was 17 and this was to be my last summer vacation. My dad suggested that we go to Wildwood NJ. When the time came to go, my mom said if I go I will miss my blood test, but she said I guess it will be all right since they did not find anything so far. We went to Wildwood, and had a very good time as a family. By now things seemed to quiet down with the family, although my dad would at times remind her that she still owed X amount of cans. By the fall I got my first job and then a car. I called up a girl that I met when I was 15 but she broke up with me for no reason at that time. Her name was Lorna and me and her would go out and make out until the sun would rise. I ask her why did you break up with me, and she said your dad would just creep me out. My grandmother on my dad's side was getting old, and she wanted to move out of her house into the old folks apartments. They told her that she could not own her house and move into the apartments. She sold the house for $1 to her daughter, then moved into the apartments. This pissed off my dad, he wanted the house sold and the money divided between the 4 siblings. My grand mother said, well it really is not going to you sister, but to her daughter. Her grand daughter Carol married some Portarician. When she would come over and cook for her grandmother, they would slop the kitchen up with grease and food everywhere. This got the wheels in my dads head turning, he said if they are going to get the house, they won't mind a few extra tenants. He called upon me and my fried Ron to go to the black neighborhood and look for roaches. We went down at 11 PM in an abandoned building looking for roaches, but could not find any. About then this black guy came over and said, what are you white boys up too. We told him, and he laughed, he said you want roaches, come over to my house, you can take as many as you want. We went out in the kitchen, and picked up about 25 roaches and threw them in a jar. My dad found some reason to visit my grandma's house the next day and we released the roaches in the kitchen, I am sure they will be well fed in their new home.
Since my mom missed her blood test, she went to the next scheduled test, which happened to be a full 6 months since her last test. She was told her cancer returned, shortly after her last test. We were told that they would have had a good chance of stopping it if she had kept her last appointment. My mom was in the hospital, which left me and my dad at home. I don't know what was bugging him, but one day he kept going on and on about the punk, that lived with his parents next door. I got tired of hearing him, and thought to myself, all the talk in the world won't get the punk out of that house. My friend Ron and I came up with a plan, which I cant disclose on this blog. The only thing I can say is that, things did not go as planned, but it put enough of a scare into the punk's family that he was kicked out of the house the next day. I say scare, because nobody was hurt and no property damage was done, well nothing that a little paint couldn't fix. My dad would always talk about problems, I wanted to start doing something.
You might say, what happened with your brother? After my brother graduated from high school in 1977 we did not hear from him. We really did not know what happened to him. We heard about Jim Jones and thought he might have got cough up in that mess, and the Rev. Sun Young Moon was popular, so we thought he might have been a "moonie" John Wayne Gacy was in the news so we watched the names of the dead boys removed from his house. To our surprise, my brother joined the Navy. He contacted us in 1981 and by 1982 he invited us down to Charlotte, South Carolina to go on a dependents cruise on the nuclear ballistic missile sub. he was assigned to. I was 16 and my dad gave me a choice, he said I have been promising you a vacation to Disney World every year, now this year we could go to Disney or visit your brother on the sub, it is your choice. I said Disney will always be there, but this is a chance that only comes once in a lifetime. We took a train to Washington DC and another train to Charlotte. My mom was too week from her chemotherapy treatments to go. The doctor said if we did not go to wildwood, that she would stand a better chance of recovery,So it was just me and my dad on this trip, we actually had a good time quite the adventure, My mom spent time with my grandmother, gong museums and flower shows, when my dad and I got there we booked a room near the water The tug boats would com close and then transport the families to the sub. About 35 family members boarded the sub, we went out for about 12 hours and dove for about 8 hours, Many of the family members got a chance to control the diving planes along with the periscope. After the goodbyes were said, we each went our separate ways, not to hear from my brother for a while.
My mom was back on stronger chemotherapy, her cancer went to her bones , ribs arm and scull. the new therapy seemed to be working. Her strength would improve and she was back to work. I would go to my room to get changed for Judo or DeMolay or scouts, and my mom would be laying in my bed, because dad put a very large pad lock on their bedroom door. I gave my mom a hard time because I had to get ready, but she shot back with a very cutting remark, she said"someday you will wish I was in here" she also told me that your dad would hit me with his solid wood brush. I said I know, I figured it out a few years ago. She said did you figure he was hitting me in the back of the head where it would be hard to show anyone. If I flinched he would make me put my head up again so I would feel the full force of his punishment. I ask why didn't you leave or have him kicked out. My mom said there would be no tellin what he might do to this house, you or me. One thing both my mom and I talked about was that my dad never cried , not one tear, he would go through all the motions of crying the sounds, but would cover his eyes with his hand. When he removed his hand nothing, not even moist. It is a real theatrical event that you must see for your self. My dad ask my mom to marry him. This is what she always wanted, but re wanted to get married where they do not stamp the date on the certificate, because he did not want any nosey relatives or neighbors to give him a hard time on the date. We went to Winchester VA. I held the bowl that my mom would vomit in. The next thing was he had her make out a will that he wrote up saying everything goes to him, but a small clause that he would look out for my well being. He had my friend Ron witness it and sign it.We heard a knock at our door at about 1PM, It was my mom and we ask how did you get here? She said she did not know, but she had her full payroll with her, but did not remember going to the bank . We called her Doctor, he said bring her in now. He did some tests and found the cancer retreated to her spinal column and now she has it in her brain.They tried to give her kemo through a spinal tap, but this was too much pain for my mom. The doctor suggested that they put a shunt in her skull to relieve the fluid buildup. we said OK but after they did it my mom could not walk again. The doctor said that this was the most radical kemo around. If this does not work maybe we could set up a room for her in our house or hospice. While she was in the hospital I had lost my job, just as well, because now I could spend more time with her. Sometimes I would bring my girlfriend Lorna to the hospital with me. She stood by my side when I was low or start to cry. If someone close to you, ever came down with a disease that would probably kill them, then you know what our family was going through. If nobody in your family has had a long debilitating illness, then count your blessings. You hang on every word that the doctor says, you look for any sign of improvement from your loved one, but the next day turns out to be even worse. My mom stayed alive at the hospice for about 2 months. My dad and I stayed there almost around the clock, trying to monitor what she ate and how many drugs they gave her. On Feb 17 of 2006 my mom succumbed to her illness, she was 43. What do you do now. Their was just me and my dad. I found another job in printing, and tried to get on with my life. Tried? My dad did not want me to leave the house, except to go to work. I was assistant scout master, but my dad did not want me to go on the camping trips, he even relayed wrong messages from my girlfriend so I would miss our dates. He did not want me cleaning the house, because that was the way my mom left it. The more he tried to keep me at home the more I wanted to get out of the house. On weekends I would sometimes go out drinking with my friend Ron, to try to forget the whole situation. Other times I would go down to our basement to build WW2 models, which I was quite good at, some of the models were on display at some of the local hobby shops. My dad would talk about how much he missed my mom, and even would go through his fake tears act. In my whole life, I never saw him cry once. I was thinking to myself, boy you treated her like shit her whole life, why would you be upset now? I went down to my friend's house, and he offered me a beer. For some reason I said no. Then another friend came over and wanted me to buy his car. I said I already had a car, but he went on and on about duel carbs and a racing cam. I finally said, I would think about it, but he said, while you are thinking about it, do you have a place that I can store it because the inspection is expired. I said sure, over my girlfriends, because she has a garage. So he was following me to my girlfriends, and then I heard the duel 4 barrels open up, I knew he was going to try to race me to the ramp on the bridge. I hit the gas and beat him to the ramp on the bridge, but then my tire blew out and my car went into a spin, the next thing I knew I was heading over the guard rail into the river, but at the last second my car flipped onto the roof. I never wear my seat belt but that day, for some reason I had my seat belt on. I calmly turned the key off and crawled out the window. It took about 8 people, but we flipped the car over, put a spare tire on, and I drove it home with about 10" of window to look out of. The next morning I woke up, the sun was shinning bright, birds singing, and I thought it was all a bad dream, until I looked out the window. Nope not a dream.